Can you hate someone on sight? And is that really hate? And where do you draw the fine line between hate and irritation? These are some of the dizzying questions raised by recent submissions here at Hate for Hire. And, golly, for once we don’t have all the answers. So, we look to the experts.
Aristotle viewed hate as a desire for the annihilation of an object that is incurable by time. Descartes thought it was an awareness that something is bad combined with an urge to withdraw from it. Freud's take is a little too complex and guilt-riddled for our site here. But the Penguin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a "deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group, or object." We'll buy that. And because hatred is believed to be long-lasting, many psychologists consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition than a temporary emotional state. Got that? OK, now keep it all in mind as you read today's entries below.
“For the moment, I can only suggest Dennis Franz because of his rather distinctively unappealing hairdo.” (A later email from the same camp specifies Franz’s “detto baldish pudding bowl” look. Yes, and thanks for the foto, seen here.) We understand and sympathize. And we’ll gladly take him on. But wouldn’t you agree (as you reference “random gripes and semi-hate situations”) that this hair-based objection lacks the proper degree of seething that true hate inspires? Come on, man, what do you think Descartes would have to say to this! However, as you'll see, you are not alone on the hair/hate front; please read on.
“I hate Olympic snowboarder Shaun White’s hair,” another petitioner complains. Mere annoyance? Or true hate in the Aristotelian sense? Again, we’ll put him (actually it) on our list. But we’re hankering for some real honest-to-goodness loathing. The kind that lends itself to rent garments and blood-lust slayings. Something slightly more Homeric in scope, s’il vous plaît.
More than one early enthusiast demurred from fingering anyone by name, queasy about “the whole karma thing.” (cf. Freud, supra.) Um, that’s our sole purpose here at Hate for Hire. We take it on so you don’t have to.
“I guess I could suggest the Kardashians.” OK, this is something the philosophy department here at H4H would classify as “decaf hate.” Yes, the self-publicized celebutantes and reality (alleged) TV personalities sure are annoying.
The eponymous perfume ad campaign for “Kim Kardashian...the voluptuous new fragrance” speaks for itself. And the obligatory sex-home-video “leak” was even more laughable. (We predict her talent and skills--both of them--could buy her a one-way ticket to a minor role in some James Bond film.) But, again, we don’t sense any elevated pulse or burst blood vessels around this submistion. We want smoke coming out of your ears, preferably accompanied by a spinning bow-tie. Still, we’re charged with taking on your burdens, light or voluptuous as they may be.
Lady Gaga. “Enough already.”
All four of these submissions have been turned over to the JV team here at Hate for Hire. Look for results soon. And meanwhile, let’s hear some real robusta, high-octane, sponge-worthy catcalls, people. (As two of our favorite professional malcontents have recently joined the wireless generation and can check our site now from their mobiles, our hopes are high.)
Dennis Franz (Upgraded to Varsity; see comments below)
Shaun White's hair
Kim Kardashian and family
Officially registered at Hate for Hire (JV), February 22, 2010.